Rodney Warner, Esq

Cancer robs us of our most valuable illusion, the future. There’s so much we put up with, salving our wounds with the thought that things will get better in the future. That jerk of a neighbor will move. You’ll get a promotion, or a better job elsewhere, if you just keep plugging away. Your kid will grow out of that nasty phase. Once you retire, you won’t have to put up with all these clowns that cut you off on your drive to work. Ah, retirement, that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So many plans. So many hopes. All those things you’ll do, places you’ll go, in the future.

Guess what? For many of us, there is no future. Those plans, desires, that sweet honey that got us through the day, can dry up and blow away. Many only have the cancer treatment treadmill to look forward to.

For me, getting through treatment meant blocking any thoughts of the future, because the future might’ve been declining health and increased suffering. Not something you want to think about. I tried to think about what’s needed to get me through the day, the week, the next round of chemo, the next blood test, the next scan. What can I do to make it a better day? What can I do to make myself feel better? I put the blinders on. This is where I am. This is how I’m going to make the best of it.

The future is the last thing I wanted to think about. The future I feared was in store for me made me break out in a cold sweat and my stomach churn.

I suppose some might get through treatment focusing on that happily ever after, after I get through treatment, after I’m cured, these are all the fun things I’ll do. I’m too much of a pessimist to take that route. That wasn’t my coping mechanism.

You have to take the path that works for you. Want to be the happy warrior, go for it! Want to play the Eeyore, do it! If someone doesn’t like your approach, cancer gives you the excuse to tell them and go somewhere and do something physically impossible with their opinion.

Of course, wallowing in depression is only good in limited doses. You can mourn the loss of your health, the loss of the future you always dreamed of, but you’ve got to move on. Clinical depression is not all it’s cracked up to be. If you feel you’re in a rut you can’t escape, get help.

One loss I deeply felt, was the loss of another illusion, control (I suppose it’s the flip side of the future). I remember sitting in my hospital bed, feeling lousy, not where I wanted to be, not at work supporting my family, not with friends having a good time, not doing anything I wanted to do. I felt totally adrift, at the mercy of my rebellious cells. Would I be cured? Would I die? I had no idea. I was just along for the ride.

How do you gain power when you’re feeling powerless? Be nice. Help someone else. Thank the nurse. Talk to your fellow patient. Try to make him laugh. Thank your doctor. However you can, make someone else feel better, feel appreciated. Even if all you can do is talk, you have the power to make someone else feel better. It may not be all the power you wished you had, but it’s a power that shouldn’t be underestimated.

Hope for the Best

I guess this contradicts not thinking about the future, but I’ve never claimed to be logical.

You know all the bad things that can happen if the cancer gets out of control. You’ve heard about all the nasty side effects of treatment. But given the roulette wheel nature of cancer treatment, no one really knows on which number the ball will land.

So don’t stress about it. Focus on today. Don’t think about all the bad things that might happen. Until you’re told otherwise, the bad stuff won’t happen. In 2002, I had really heavy duty chemo and an autologous stem cell transplant. I read about all the possible side effects and the infections. I wasted so much energy anticipating all this nastiness to start. They didn’t happen. For a month I felt like I had the hangover from Hell, and I was bald as an egg, but that was pretty much it. No infections, hospitalizations, long term side effects. I relapsed ten months later, but that’s another story.

Hope is a frame of mind. For me, it was the ability to force as many of the bad thoughts out of my head as I possibly could. What was left got me through the day.”

How do you cope?

Join us for a lunch time LIVE Web Chat with OncoLink’s Breast Cancer Supportive Care Experts on October 22, 2009 at 12:30-1:30pm EST.

You can submit questions during the chat or ahead of time. A transcript of the chat will be available after the event. Submit a Question Now!

Have questions about side effects and health concerns during and after your breast cancer treatment?

Then be sure to tune into this week’s Brown Bag Chat. Log on to www.oncolink.org/blogs/ at 12:30pm Thursday October 22nd, as we talk with our Supportive Care Experts.

Some of the topics we will be talking about:

Nutrition Before, During and After Breast Cancer Treatment
Karen Wagner MS, RD, LDN is a clinical dietitian specialist for the Abramson Cancer Center who is currently working with gynecologic oncology patients. Prior to specializing in oncology Karen worked with a wide variety of patients in both hospitals and clinics, and taught nutrition and cooking classes. She has been with the cancer center since June of 2006.

Yoga as Therapy for Cancer Patients and Survivors: Achieving Balance through Breathwork, Meditation and Movement
Fern Nibauer-Cohen is the Associate Director of Strategic Marketing Services here at Penn Medicine. She oversees the strategic marketing for the Abramson Cancer Center and the Division of Surgery. While the depth of her experience is in marketing cancer programs and services, she has a very strong interest in patient-related outreach. Fern is certified in teaching yoga to cancer patients through the Integral Yoga Institute in Virginia. Combining her passion of the practice of yoga with her experience in working at a cancer center, Fern is working with Dr. Jun Mao here at Penn to develop our first yoga program for cancer patients. She has been practicing yoga for over 15 years. Over the past seven years, she has been involved in the intensive study of ayurveda (a sister science of yoga focused on self healing) and yoga therapy as it relates to cancer patients. She is very happy to be at Penn
and the Abramson Cancer Center to bring the joy of yoga to our program.

Coping with Financial and Emotional Concerns of Breast Cancer Treatment
Tracy Lautenbach, MSW, LCSW, Social Worker in the Radiation Oncology Department at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, Perelman Center for Advanced Medicine. She has been a social worker for 20 years and has worked at Penn since 2005. She works with a variety of oncology patients that receive radiation therapy. Tracy addresses problems and concerns identified through assessments, ranging from financial to adjustment and coping with illness.

Solutions for Chemotherapy Side Effects of Breast Cancer Treatment
Carolyn Vachani, MSN, RN, AOCN is a certified advanced practice oncology nurse. She has worked in the areas of medical hematology and oncology, bone marrow transplant, clinical research, radiation therapy and staff development. In her current role, she serves as the nurse educator for OncoLink, the Abramson Cancer Center’s award-winning cancer information website, which receives an average 3.9 million page views a month. She serves as the project leader in the development and maintenance of the LIVESTRONG Care Plan, a partnership which was launched in the spring of 2009 to bring the OncoLife survivorship care plan to more cancer patients around the world.

Solutions for Radiation Side effects of Breast Cancer Treatment
Tammi Fisher RN, OCN, is a board certified oncology nurse in the Radiation Oncology Department at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, Perelman Center for Advanced Medicine. She has been an oncology nurse for 15 years. She has dedicated her career to women’s health. She currently assists breast and GYN cancer patients that receive radiation therapy. Tammi addresses the side effects and concerns of her radiation oncology patients with an open mind and a wealth of knowledge.

Using Poetry to Help with Healing from a Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Alysa Cummings is the OncoLink Poet-in-Residence and 11 year cancer survivor. She writes Greetings from CancerLand, a column describing the cancer experience through the eyes of a long term survivor. Her digital photography, book and media reviews have also appeared on the OncoLink website over the years. Prior to her diagnosis, Alysa worked as an educational administrator in various school districts across southern NJ. Now retired, she devotes herself full time to fellow survivors – as a health educator, patient navigator, conference presenter, American Cancer Society volunteer, treatment coach and poetry therapist. Alysa regularly hosts poetry therapy groups where cancer patients explore the healing power of writing. The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation honored Alysa’s efforts with a Local Hero Award in 2004 and a Living the Vision Award in 2009. NAPT gave Alysa their 2008 Public Service Award. In 2007 SJ Magazine cited Alysa as one of the five South Jersey Pioneers in Breast Cancer.

Tracy Lautenbach, MSW, LCSW, Social Worker in the Radiation Oncology Department at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, Perelman Center for Advanced Medicine. She has been a social worker for 20 years and has worked at Penn since 2005. She works with a variety of oncology patients that receive radiation therapy. Tracy addresses problems and concerns identified through assessments, ranging from financial to adjustment and coping with illness.

Neal Niznan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over thirteen years experience in the field of oncology helping patients and family members manage the emotional impact of living with cancer. He currently is a social worker in the Department of Radiation Oncology at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. Neal also maintains a private psychotherapy practice for individuals, couples and families.