Bill is "my host"—which makes me smile. I am now a frequent morning guest of the medical establishment. He's the greeter for the land of radiation beams and gaping gowns. Through his doors lie the machines That I must trust. They contain the algorithms and calibrations that drive laser beams to pass within millimeters of my heart. I hope these three people are awake and paying attention so early as they line up my tiny medical tattoos with their laser light show. They quickly disappear leaving me alone with the "beam on" red sign and the magically rotating machine. It faces me with tiny pansy decals that someone must have liked. Hands over my head I surrender, unnerved and tense. No control. Salvation in science. Relying hopefully on the kindness and competency of strangers. Barbara Stainman Denver, CO January 2010 |